Last weekend was wild.
At some point I remember that I woke up in a tub full of water.
Imagine if I had drowned guyyy!
And what's worse? I was in a suit.
I mean a proper 3 piece $4000 suit.
And it wasn’t even my wedding.
Or any wedding at all.
I went out of the bathroom, soaked and dripping to the floor to see my friends wasted across all areas of the hotel room we were lodged in.
Wait.
Where the fuck are we?
When did we get a hotel?
Who paid for the room?
I hope it’s not me oooooo.
Jesus Christ! My girlfriend will kill me.
I stagger across the room to find my car key so that I can get the fuck out of this place.
That’s when I see it…
My girlfriend's anklet that I bought for her on our trip to Dubai.
Why is my babe’s anklet here?
Again, WHERE THE FUCK ARE WE?
I look around. Carefully this time.
My vision is less blurry from when I woke up.
If this anklet is here, then my babe must be here too.
I check the first person on the floor. Nope.
This woman has an afro and let’s say when we’re fucking I spank my woman’s head just for the fun of it.
She does not think it’s funny. But that has never stopped me.
I check the person on the sofa on the right.
Nope.
It’s a man.
Is that Tobe? Ah, Tobe’s gbola is big ooooooo.
Jesus. What is that? 8 inches? And it’s still semi-hard?
What God deprives short men of in feet, he replaces in inches… if you catch my drift.
If you don’t you’re on your own.
But wait ooooo…
Why am I checking out my fellow man’s blokos?
If Obinna was here, he'd call me geigh, but won't stop looking either. Fucking hypocrite.
I move to the next chair, a one-seater and speak of the devil, Obinna: naked in all his splendour.
Him sef get big prick.
It’s like I belong to a tribe of big penis men.
Hahaha. Birds of big dicks flock to-
Wait, that also sounds gay.
This must be why they can’t keep a woman.
Dick too good for the weekend, but if the women take any more than that they’ll be too sore for the week.
But wait oooo, what does this now say about me that has an actual long term girlfriend?
And we dey fuck steady…
Ogbara Jesus. I best not think about it.
Unto the next sofa.
Some babe I don't know.
Hm. Nice tits. E be like say e big pass my madam own small.
What? You're judging me? Abeg rest. My babe would agree too. This is one of the things that brought us together: the consensus to appreciate the fine things of life instead of acting insecure about them. I can tell you that it has worked very well for us.
But why are all these people semi-naked in this place? What the fuck happened here last night?
4 of them in 1 space. Where is my babe?
I look around the house and see there’s a door to another room. I guess this isn’t a hotel anymore. Or abi is it a suite? I don’t even care.
I walk in to see feminine feet without anklets hanging off the bed. That must be my babe.
I walk towards the bed, “babe, is that you?”
What I see however, throws me to the ground.
It’s my babe alright…
But, someone please tell me, why the fuck is she in a wedding gown?
Again, WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED HERE LAST NIGHT?
Might be continued…
If you loved what you just read, please share it with your friends. You’re not the only one who deserves to be happy today, make your people happy too.
Until next time,
Stay easy,
Dave.
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P.P.S. I don't know if I'll ever complete this story, but I think as an ending, this was perfect.
Don't you agree?
What the fuck happened??
I want to know what the fuck just happened too