2024: What A Great Fucking Year!

Screenshot of my promise in 2023

In 2023 I wrote publicly that 2024 is going to be my year. I wasn’t wrong. 2024 has been quite intentional for me. However, it has also been trying. No year has tested me as much as this year has. Let me tell you all about it.

Ground Zero

On February 7th, 2024 I lost my job; my only consistent source of income. The year hadn’t even properly started.

I was terrified. And I was excited.

Terrified because I was my only provider. All my people were having it rough and I wasn’t ready to burden my parents.

On the other hand, I was excited because I was finally given the opportunity to prove that I am who I say I am: Odogwu, talk and do. Provider for one and then for many. Big Dave! When you carry me, you carry not one but ten thousand. Nothing pass me and my God. (this is a very OD inspired praise 😂)

At the time, rent was due but I was planning to move to a bigger apartment and the money I had saved up for that was all I had left. Instead of moving, I paid rent and what was left was what I used to survive. I had 4 weeks to pull myself back up from the dirt and elevate myself to being a provider again. People's lives depended on my success. I could not let them down.

It was uncomfortable, but I had a job to do.

It was longer than 4 weeks.

It even took longer than 8 weeks; longer than 12. It took 6 months before I got a proper role again. Nobody tells you how much time it takes to claw your way out of the trenches. Especially in 2024.

In theory all it takes is learning a few skills and applying to a few jobs, surely one will click. In practice the theory stands, but the timeframe is unpredictable and your resilience gets tested.

Doing the work tests you. I spent a good chunk of my time taking courses, and let me tell you, stacking up skills as an unemployed adult is such an experience. On one hand, you’re doing productive work for most of the day. On the other you’re exhausted at the end of most days with nothing to show for it. No salary at the end of the month. Just faith that it will pan out.

And pan out it did, but before that happened ehn… na me hear weh

JOB HUNTING

I didn’t know I could send 100 job applications in ONE WEEK until I did it.

Harrowing experience; totally recommend.

On its own, job hunting teaches you to get better at writing. I got so good at writing cover letters that at my breaking point I was ready to create and sell a course teaching my fellow unemployeds how to write their own cover letters.

And my confidence was that for the most part, my cover letters got me to the next stage: interview or task.

But what was even more thrilling was applying for big money roles I knew I wasn’t qualified for. My god the adrenaline it gives you. You do the research necessary to write the cover letter, you send it in and you wait. In a few weeks you get invited to an interview and now you have to run through fire to get ready: you spend days researching what the role actually entails, getting certifications that matter, gossiping with ChatGPT, just so you can show up to the interview and act like you know your shit.

And sometimes, I did. Exciting experience.

Getting rejected didn’t bother me as much as I thought it would. Maybe because I aimed up and knew I wasn’t qualified anyway. The only time I got pissed was the one time I applied for a role that I could actually do. And the rejection wasn’t the problem, it was the messiness of the interview process and the consistent ghosting that messed with me.

As you can guess it was a Nigerian brand. A popular one for that matter. If I mention their name, I’m 99% sure you know them. I thought that their “bigness” would allow them to act in a more professional manner but trust Nigerians to stay on brand, even when they’ve not employed you yet.

I hate meetings

I believe that if you’re a serious company you don’t need to have a meeting everyday.

And I say this because in my experience, “everyday” meetings are just bosses pouring their emotional frustrations onto their employees: rarely ever productive. Especially the ones that last hours.

My brother, Chris, disagrees with me on this and I know he'll be rolling his eyes when he gets to this section, but I've said what I've said.

Most meetings could be done once a week or twice a month. Most could be a thread on a group chat or an email. And most meetings could be done in less than an hour. And if they could be, they should be.

The exceptions are when things are moving fast and pivotal changes are being made. Asides that: hire competent people, text them what to do, use a tracker to keep everyone in check and everything else falls into place.

Streets, OT and politicking

I got involved with thugs this year: proper area boys.

And maybe you know the lesson already but if you can, make those strong boys your friends. They’ll help you out when you least expect it.

Don’t become the wall they lean on because they’ll take advantage of you, but help when you can: when you know they need it.

That 1k or 2k that is nothing to you, give them to buy food. I promise you it means the world to them. Send them on errands and then tip them so they feel like they’ve earned it. But don’t do it too much. Sometimes just say thank you so they know that it’s not solely a transactional relationship. Sometimes politely reject them when they ask a favour, but remember later and ask them if they still need help.

All these things na OT I dey give you. Because one day a fight may break out in your area and it’s those boys that will save you. It’s them that will tell you how to act. It’s them that will introduce you to the people who will get it done well and cheaper for you. Na them know streets, you sabi book pass them but them know streets pass you. Use your head.

Becoming The Villain

For some reason I’ve been grappling with the idea of doing irreparable damage to a relationship (friendship and romance) and then living with it. Not just grappling but actually dealing with it.

It messes with your sense of identity a little, knowing that someone out there who you cared about (or still care about) will never see you as anything else but the bad person. The villain. The one who did this horrible thing to them.

And it’s an interesting experience for me because of the internal plights of conscience I’ve had to deal with. The acceptance that nothing I do would salve the damage I’ve done, nor the relationship. Practicing the art of self-forgiveness knowing that I won’t be forgiven by this person. And the guilt and regret of even causing the damage in the first place.

Because what does it mean for me now? Am I a bad person? Will I act this way towards others or will I become better for it? In what direction will I grow?

All this is conflicting for me because I’m what’s known on the street as a people-pleaser. I like being liked by those I like – I’m not ashamed of it. More importantly, I like being kind.

When I say kindness, I don’t mean the performative one, I mean the real deal. The one you’d do for a stranger knowing that they can do nothing for you in return and it’s possible you will never see them again. The proper, non-transactional type of kindness.

But for the first time I have done unkindness to a person I’ve loved. Not out of malice or error, just thoughtlessness and non-consideration. An action that has hurt them so badly, they'll never see me the same again. I am sorry for it, truly, but what’s done is done. And knowing that has rocked me.

Maybe I will grow because of it. Maybe this is my first taste and I will continue to leave damage in my wake. I actually have no clue. But we’ll see.

Who am I?

I don’t think I was authentically myself this year. At least I don’t think I’m authentically myself now. I want to do more to change that.

If I’m being honest, I’m not sure who I am right now.

I’ve been through so much this year (good and bad) that I haven't given myself time to process what I’ve become. I think a lot of things, including my relationships, are suffering because of that.

Being a people pleaser means you tend to put other people's needs above yours, often to get some kind of validation from them. But it's exhausting. I’m exhausted. I think I’ve been trying to give from an empty well and it doesn’t feel as good anymore.

While I want to embark on more social adventures this year, I also want to spend more time with myself. Get to know myself.

2024 has changed me in ways that I am not familiar with. There are things that used to give me joy that no longer feel the same. I've developed habits that don't serve me and I can't tell when, where or why they originated.

I want to have a semi-selfish year.

I believe knowing my priorities and focusing on them – even when it means letting people down – will help me get to know myself better. That’s my intention: to know myself by centering myself around myself.

I read somewhere that knowing your priorities requires you to pay attention to what feels energizing vs. draining, and then finding the right balance. I'll take that as truth and move with it.

Love.

I want to talk about that a bit. I was in a relationship for the better part of the year, and it did so much good for me. We were magic together. I didn’t know I’d love coming home to a person so much until I had her. We spoiled each other. I knew gift giving was my love language but this woman took it to another level. She knew the art well, and showed it with the most thoughtful and timely things. And even me sef I stepped up. Would I be a proper lover boy if she did not eat my money?

But even more than money, it was chemistry. It was hugs and tongue. It was skin to skin. It was cooking and ass spanking; back massages and booty rubs. It was thoughtful action and consideration. It was let’s go run some errands together. It was, I’m on my way home, do you want anything? It was, come let’s lick ice cream and watch HOTD. It was see as you just left me on the bed to by myself, do you hate me? Baby, you know I’m working on something. I miss you, come give me a hug. It was wrestling, and I don’t mean this as a euphemism for sex, I mean rough handling wrestling: the type where you’re laughing and screaming at the end.

I miss her. I will for a while. But things end, and they do for a reason.

So what am I grateful for in 2024?

• For my family. I’m grateful that they are alive and well.

• For good health.

• For my friends, the ones who held me down this year. Chris, Timi, Liv, Iyawo mi, Fanye - A hụrụ m gị n'anya.

• For love: the healing and damage it caused.

• For finding work and being able to do the work. I didn’t mention it earlier, but a big flex part of this job for me was that they had employed 4 people to do the role before me but they couldn’t hack it. Apparently I’m the one person who’s handled it best so far and if I keep doing well, they’ll retain me.

• I made a big move this year. Pulling it off in the time that I did was a miracle. I'm grateful for that.

• For money and good food.

• For Dumebi, wherever you are.

• For friends, did I already say friends? Fanye running errands with you was always a time well spent. When I’m with you, there’s no place I cannot enter.

• For drugs and booze; igbeaux and shayo.

• For good rave parties. I love a good rave, and I love a good party. I love doing it with a cup in my hand and dancing recklessly – drunk. I loved doing it with my bro Max and my twin Liv. I didn’t party in uni and I sometimes regret it. But regret is a waste of energy, and our life starts now.

• For turning 25: as terrifying as that is.

• For life's painful lessons. You will guide me in the next year so I stumble less.

• For coming to terms with the fact that I don't know who I am right now, and accepting that it's time to learn.

• For God's generous mercies and favors in my life.

This year has been heaven and hell at the same time.

What's Next?

Content Creation?

Maybe.

Since I went home for the holidays I’ve been doing driving lessons with my dad.

In the process I started shooting videos and sending to my snapchat streak people. Their responses have been positive and I’ve enjoyed making the content so far.

Valerie said they’re wholesome and make her smile.

Chimere said she looks forward to them and I should make more.

And I think I might create a TikTok and YouTube and see how much fun I can have with it.

Maybe. I’ll let you know.

All in all…

My goal for next year is finding my edge. Actually, this is my goal for the next 5 years. Discovering and exploring my edge in all things. Not just in my work/career, but as a human, a lover, a friend, a son, a brother and even as an enemy.

I want to live a full life and there’s more to life than money. I will access all that money, but the promise I’m making to myself now is that I will access all that life as well.

We rarely see well-rounded people in our century of technology and social media. I intend to be one of them, whatever that may mean.

2025 feels like a year where decades will happen. I've had this feeling since November. I want to shape my life to be ready to take advantage of that.

Will I? Let's find out.

Happy New Year!

Love,

Big Dave.

P.S. click ⬇️