Here's Why You Might Hate Yourself
I’m writing this in a local restaurant with no electricity. It’s hot as hell. The only advantage of being here is the quiet.
I can think, therefore, I can write.
I’m seated by one of the entrances, I think the quiet encourages a little breeze to come and go.
It makes me think of noisy places, and why they’re always hot. Maybe, just maybe, noise brings heat.
But I digress,
You’re here because you want to know why you you're angry and resentful towards yourself
And I may have an answer.
First of all, I'd like to say the solution to fixing your anger, is to take responsibility.
If somehow this makes sense to you, then you can stop reading now, the rest of this letter is shalaye
If it doesn’t, permit me to tell you the cause of your anger before I proferr a solution
Before I start, I'd like to publicly say, I might be wrong. There are nuanced scenarios where the cause of your anger is more complicated than what I will write here. And if it is, you may have to go find your answers somewhere else.
But for the vast majority of you, I'm sure I'm right. So let's dive in.
The Problem.
This week I found myself angry at… well at me
And as I like to do, I decided to cut myself open - no not in the literal sense you psychopath - and go down to the root of my problem.
The thing with this internal rage is you don’t know the cause…
And because of that you target your rage at everyone, including yourself.
Think about all the times you've being passive aggressive for no fucking reason
I bet the person you snapped at didn’t deserve it.
Whatever crime they did was definitely forgivable
And it definitely didn’t warrant your reaction, but it’s happened.
So, let’s move on.
Back to me…
And yes of course you…
When I thought it through, I figured the reason I was angry at myself was because
I had not done the things I knew I ought to had done.
In simple English, I refused to take responsibility for myself and my actions, or my lack of action to be more precise.
To give more detail, there is a lot of compulsory work I have to do for the month
My exams are coming up plus other things
The major problem was I refused to audit my time, and make a plan that would bring me the most success.
Making a good plan takes time, but the major problem is
If I made the plan, I realized that I would have to cut out activities I actually enjoy and replace them with studying/research
I allowed the fear of that responsibility cause me to procrastinate, but it never left my mind
And because I knew at the back of my mind, this is some thing I definitely have to do but have not done yet…
I stayed angry at myself.
And that anger poured out in the way I interacted with myself and other people.
Definitely toxic.
And may be that's the same for you
If you're not a person usually angry at yourself
Or even if you are
I want you to check yourself
Are there a series of things you’ve been procrastinating?
Especially because of laziness…
Or the fear of carrying the responsibility that comes with doing the work
If there are…
Then I’m sure you know what to do
Take responsibility
Deal with the fucking problem
And let your mind be free
Hope this helped.
If you’re not sure of the best way to write a plan, I wrote an article on it that which you can read here.
And if you'd like to reach out to me personally, you can do that here:
I’ll talk to you next week
Until then,
Stay easy,
Dave.
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